What to do When You're the "Rich Friend" (Overcoming Social Isolation as a Young Inheritor)
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Do you have sudden riches but a shrinking social circle?
In this eye-opening episode, I dive into the rarely discussed world of young inheritors who find themselves unexpectedly wealthier than their peers.
Discover how to navigate tricky friendships, beat the wealth guilt blues, and find your tribe when your bank account doesn't match your friend group.
From stealth wealth strategies to building bridges across tax brackets, I'm dishing out real talk on making it rain without losing your roots.
This podcast is your cheat sheet for navigating these tricky waters. Trust me, your future self will thank you for tuning in.
🗓️ Schedule a FREE call to talk about whatever money questions are on your mind.
Transcript:
Hey, I'm Katherine. Thanks for joining me at Heir Necessities, the podcast that turns complex financial concepts into real talk for GenX, Millennial, and Gen Z inheritors.
I'm a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER®, a wealth manager, and an inheritor, just like you. Each week on the podcast, I'm gonna be breaking down some of the most complex issues related to generational wealth and inheritance.
If I do my job right, we're gonna have some fun along the way and you're gonna be able to stop managing your money by asking Google what to do.
On today's episode of the podcast, we're talking about what it's like to be wealthier than all of your friends.
Understanding Isolation, Confusion, and Guilt after Inheriting Wealth
This isn't something that you probably have heard about on a day -to -day basis. It's not something that people talk about in the media.
It's not really something that's kind of covered in the cultural zeitgeist, but it is one of the number one most common things that I hear from people who reach out, that they feel lonely, that they feel isolated and that they don't know where to turn. For financial logistical support, yes, but also just for having that emotional connection.
Before I dive into today's episode, I want to acknowledge that this is not the Suffering Olympics. I'm not here on this podcast to say that being rich is harder than being in poverty. Being in poverty is objectively more difficult, but that doesn't mean that there aren't still problems and stressors and issues that come along with having a large degree of wealth, especially if you get that wealth as part of a multi -million dollar inheritance.
So I want to say I'm not out here saying that these issues are worse than any other issues. I am talking just about the issues that I see happening every day in the clients that I work with. And to name and summarize that issue, It's the sense of isolation and confusion you feel at being what feels like the only person in your circle who is going through a particular situation.
If you surround yourself with a quote unquote normal group of friends, people who have a more standard level of wealth, you're not gonna be able to talk to them about the fact that your mom died and now you're inheriting $10 million.
That's not a socially acceptable topic of conversation. And that's fine. I don't think it should be. I don't think that if you're a person with wealth, it's really appropriate to talk about all of the problems that wealth brings you with people who don't have wealth. Because they're just gonna be sitting there thinking like, well, geez, if I had $10 million, all of these other real problems in my life would be solved. So I agree that if you don't wanna be obtuse and start losing friends, you shouldn't be talking about these topics with your friends.
At least you shouldn't be complaining about them in the way that you might want to because that's stressful, it's overwhelming, and you don't know what to do.
Starting to Acknowledge the Challenges of Inheritance
And at the same time, because of this isolation, you can have a lot of guilt about the stressors that you're feeling. It can feel like I shouldn't be stressed about this because I'm so privileged and I don't know why I'm complaining about this or worried about this when I'm so much more fortunate than other people.
And that guilt is compounded by the sense of isolation because you don't see other people talking about these problems and you don't have anyone out there to normalize the fact that what you are going through is difficult. So that's my job and that's what we're talking about today. The fact that it is normal to struggle with wealth. It is normal to struggle after you get a large inheritance.
Even if you've gotten an inheritance five, 10 years agoit is normal to feel awkward for being wealthier than your friends. But it doesn't mean that there aren't strategies that you can adopt and ways to start dealing with these feelings so that you can move forward openly and honestly with the people that you love and care about in your life, and also so that you can stop being so hard on yourself.
The first thing I want to acknowledge here, if it hasn't come through already, is that getting an inheritance, yes, it is a huge amount of privilege. There is a huge amount of gratitude that people have for having generational wealth passed on to them. But in the vast majority of cases, you don't get an inheritance unless someone that you deeply love died. So yes, it is a good thing, this money, if you just want to look at the way that society thinks about it.
But it's also incredibly stressful and you're grieving and you might be fighting with your siblings or other family members and you're trying to navigate your way forward in life without this person who was a really close family member to you in your life. And that's a hard thing to navigate on top of the fact that you're also trying to deal at the same time with the fact that you are now in a totally different position in society. You have a totally different level of wealth.
You need to get educated really fast on understanding what you inherited, understanding how it works, if you inherited through a trust, understanding all of the mechanics there. There's a ton of new information that just got dropped on you at a point when you're not really equipped to handle and process a lot of new information because again, you are deep in grief in a lot of cases. Obviously, this isn't gonna be true for all inheritors. So I wanna normalize that as a difficult thing.
How to Create Open and Honest Wealth Conversations with Friends
And then the first thing I want to talk about circling back to being wealthier than your friends and not being friends with people who can necessarily understand the things that you're struggling with. I want you to think about where in your story there are things that other people can relate to because there are some parts of your story that your friends who have, again, more normal level of wealth aren't going to be able to relate to. But there are parts of it that they can't.
The fact that the estate settlement process is difficult and confusing and stressful. That's something that everyone is gonna go through, not just people with wealth. The fact that someone that was close to you died. That's something that a good friend is gonna be able to relate to and be sympathetic with you about. You don't have to talk about numbers. You can say, my mom had all of these accounts and some of this real estate and I don't know what to do with it.
So you can kind of generalize it a little bit into things that are okay to talk about. So just because there is this big number attached to your inheritance, it doesn't mean that you can't talk about it with people that you're close with. It does mean that you might not feel comfortable sharing initially how much wealth you have, but it doesn't mean that you can't talk about anything related to your inheritance. You don't have to hide the fact that you're getting an inheritance if even if you aren't totally forthright about how much it is.
The other thing that I want to encourage you to do here, and this can be done really selectively and probably only with the people that you're actually closest closest to, is to talk to them as you get more comfortable with the amount of wealth that you have. Talk to them about some of the things that you struggle with. And I want you to be really careful to do this not in a way that makes it seem like you're complaining, but just to be open and honest. And again, you don't have to attach numbers to this, but you can say, I inherited a lot of money when my mom died and I don't really know what to do with it. I'm confused about it and I'm not asking you for help. I'm just letting you know that as your friend, this is something I'm going through and is it okay if I talk about it sometimes?
And then being really careful not to talk about it all the time and not to talk about it in a way that's going to make anyone else feel bad for not having this wealth, but to be open and honest about something that you're struggling with. Because I think that we should be normalizing cross -class relationships about money. And just like if someone was struggling with not having enough money, you would expect them to talk about that and share about that because it's something real that's going on with your life.
If you're struggling with some of the logistical issues related to inheritance, you should be able to talk about that, again, in a way that's sensitive to the fact that the person you're talking to might not have access to the same level of privilege that you do.
How to Build a Community of People Who Understand
The next thing that I want to suggest here is that you work on building a community of people who have gone through the same challenges that you have. And this is really difficult. I know it's really difficult because I'm one of the only people that's out there in a very public way on social media talking about these challenges.
So you might not know where there are spaces where you can connect with people who have gone through similar challenges, but they are out there. If you're interested in connecting with people, you can always reach out to me, even if you just want to chat about some of the things you're going through, no sales pitch necessary. I'm always available to talk as a resource, just as a sounding board to say that you're not alone and this is something that other people struggle with all the time.
If that's not something that you want to do, there are groups out there that are basically networking groups for wealthy people. So they might be a place where you can start finding people who are like -minded, not in the sense of wanting to be super flashy and kind of hang out in wealthy spaces or ostentatious spaces, but just to have people who understand what it's like to struggle with the issues around money and to be looking for guidance from other people who have been in this situation before and who are going through some of the same things that you're going through to find community in that space.
Connecting with Inheritors through Philanthropy and Giving Back
The other thing that I think can be really powerful, especially if you're interested in giving back, is getting more involved in the philanthropic space. As you engage more with nonprofits, especially if you live in an area with a community foundation, that can be an amazing resource to get in touch with people there, to talk to them about some of the things that they're struggling with, and ask if they know anyone else who would be willing to talk to you and willing to meet with you just one -on -one as two people who are young and have wealth to talk about some of the struggles that they've had.
And those can be really, really great resources, not something that you would necessarily think about to ask, but there are people in this space, and I know because I'm one of them, who work with a lot of younger people with a high level of wealth. And all of us are hearing from the vast majority of our clients that they are feeling isolated and they want more spaces where they can talk openly about the challenges that they're struggling with without fear of being judged for being obtuse, pretentious people who are super out of touch with reality and the struggles of the everyday man.
How to Put Yourself Out There to Find Support
And so when I have all of these people who are saying this to me, what I'm thinking is like, you all need to stop saying this to me. I mean, I'm a great first step, but also you need to start saying it to each other. And we need to start building more community where these things are okay to talk about. So it's something that I am really focused on and always happy to put people in touch with others who are in kind of a similar position and who are interested in talking. But also there are a lot of people in your community who can perform that same role. So it's really about reaching out and looking and trying to find those people where they are.
The last thing that I want to say here is if all of these money issues stay hidden, if you never talk about them, if you never bring them up, then it is going to be very, very difficult for you to connect with someone else who understands. Because finding community in this space requires putting yourself out there to some degree. And again, not sharing all the details of your inheritance with the world, but dropping hints and clues or talking about things more generally so that other people who might be going through the same thing that you don't even, you would never have even guessed would be willing to come and talk to you about it.
And I know this works because people know this is my job. People know that I am certified financial planner and a wealth manager for younger, wealthy inheritors. And so all the time I have friends who just start talking to me randomly about their family wealth. And these are not people that I would have thought are wealthy. These are not people that I looked at and I'm like, yeah, you definitely, your family's definitely worth 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, whatever, million dollars. But because they know that I do this for work and that I am comfortable talking about these things and that it's a safe space, people just open up.
And so I can tell you from my experience that if you indicate that you might be open to having some of these conversations, even if you're just talking about inheritance and estate planning, I think that you might actually be surprised by the response that you get back from some people in your circle. Again, it's not going to be everyone in your circle and depending on where you live, it might be no one. But if you are a little bit more open, if you can open the door a crack, for people, then you might find that you are actually able to build more meaningful and engaged relationships with people who are struggling, maybe not with the exact same issues, but at least with similar issues.
To close out here for you, I just want to remind you that if you are thinking about this and if you're worried about it, if you feel like it's awkward that you have more wealth than all your friends, you don't really know how to conduct yourself, you try and hide that part of your life, you are on the right track. The people that I worry about are the people who are super obtuse and don't even worry about this at all. The people who flaunt their wealth in front of people who have less than they do or the people who only hang out with other people who have a similarly high level of wealth.
Those are the people that need to be concerned. Just because you're asking those questions, you listen to this podcast all the way through to the end, I know that you are gonna be okay and I know that you are on the right path to finding solutions. If this podcast was helpful for you or if you have more questions, there's a link to the shoutouts below, all the ways that you can get in touch with me. I'm always happy to chat, Instagram, text me, schedule a call, whatever it is.
I really hope that this podcast was helpful. If you have any questions, email them to me. I'd love to make them the subject of a future episode and I'll look forward to catching you next time.
Let’s take the next step together
Understanding how to manage life as the “rich friend” is not easy. Inheritors can encounter a wide variety of different situations requiring knowledge and finesse to manage. If you need more help, you can reach out to Katherine Fox, CFP® and CAP®, a financial planner for inheritors to learn how Sunnybranch can help you understand and plan for your future inheritance, however your social situation looks.
