How do you Manage Guilt Over Inherited Wealth?
How do you Manage Guilt Over Inherited Wealth?
Struggling with guilt after inheriting wealth is a very common experience. Taking a step back and assessing how you want to steward, grow, and give your inheritance can help you manage feelings of guilt and create new, positive associations with inherited wealth.
Posted on February 5, 2024 by Katherine Fox.
How do you Manage Guilt Over Inherited Wealth?
Is it normal to feel guilt after inheriting money?
Inheriting wealth can be a transformative experience.
But that doesn’t make it positive.
Someone who was an important part of your life died. You’re managing grief and trying to redefine your life without them in it. When you receive a multi-million dollar inheritance on top of that, things can get tricky.
You might feel like you didn’t earn your inheritance.
You might feel like you don’t want your inheritance.
You might think the amount of money you have is gross.
You might have inherited more than other family members and don’t understand why.
You might not like having money that came from business practices or an industry you don’t agree with.
You might feel guilty about getting access to wealth others can only dream of, just for being born.
If this resonates with you, please don’t settle for a financial advisor who will pitch you portfolio construction and amazing returns.
Look for an advisor who can help you build a plan to manage inherited wealth and steward, grow, and give assets away in line with your values.
Your first step is to take a step back and assess how you want to steward, grow, and give your inheritance to help you manage feelings of guilt and create new, positive associations with your inherited wealth.
Understand why you feel guilt after inheriting wealth
Acknowledging and understanding the source of your guilt is the first step to reducing its impact on your life.
Common sources of guilt for inheritors include:
Privilege and social comparison: This guilt can arise from a sense of unearned privilege, especially when you compare your financial situation to that of others who are less fortunate.
Expectations and perceived responsibilities: You may feel guilty for failing to live up to real or imagined standards of “how wealthy people act” set by society and your family.
Fear of misuse or lack of purpose: Your guilt may stem from the fear of misusing or squandering inherited wealth. You might be questioning whether you are making meaningful contributions or utilizing inherited wealth in ways that align with your values.
Comparison with ancestors' struggles: Comparing your financial situation post-inheritance to the struggles faced by previous generations to accumulate wealth can be an enduring source of guilt.
Source of wealth: Guilt often surfaces when inherited wealth was generated by business practices or through an industry that violates your personal values and moral code.
Take time to think through these common sources of guilt for inheritors and see which fit into your own story. If nothing fits, use these possibilities as a stepping stone to examine what part of your inheritance is triggering personal guilt.
How do you Manage Guilt Over Inherited Wealth?
Shift the narrative to reduce your guilt after receiving inheritance money
After identifying the primary reasons for your guilt, think about how you could reframe your family’s story.
These comparisons may ring hollow initially, but they are the first step to building a plan to steward, grow, and give inherited wealth that aligns with your priorities and is not driven by guilt over inheriting money.
Privilege and social comparison → Legacy and family vision:
In recognizing your family's hard work, dedication, and vision for the future, you can view inherited wealth as a means to grow and build this legacy. Understanding the positive intentions behind wealth accumulation can transform guilt into a sense of responsibility to uphold and build upon your family’s vision.
Expectations and perceived responsibilities → Positive impact on personal goals:
Inheriting wealth can give you the means to achieve personal goals, pursue passions, and contribute to your community. Whether it's pursuing education, starting a business, or supporting charitable causes, inherited wealth can be a catalyst for positive impact and personal fulfillment.
Fear of misuse or lack of purpose → Empowerment and financial independence:
Start thinking of your inherited wealth as a tool for empowerment and financial independence. Wealth provides the freedom to make choices aligned with your values, building your autonomy and control over your financial future.
Comparison with ancestors' struggles → Philanthropy and social responsibility
Inherited wealth can be utilized to make a meaningful impact on societal issues and contribute to positive change. By actively engaging in philanthropic endeavors, you can transform guilt into a force for good by channeling your resources toward causes that resonate with your values.
Source of wealth → Charting your own path forward
Inheriting wealth earned in a way that you fundamentally disagree with has no easy answer. You may choose to shift your narrative in any of the ways described above, or you may decide that the compromise is too great and you want to build a plan to give all of your inheritance away.
“However you choose to manage your guilt over inherited wealth, you know yourself and your family best. You have all the power and tools you need to chart the path forward. From one inheritor to another, You got this!”
Define inherited wealth by your values, not by your guilt over inheritance money
Guilt is not a productive emotion. It holds us back and weds us to what “should” be, rather than letting us explore the possibilities of what is, or what could be.
You already took the first step to shift your narrative around guilt and inherited wealth.
Now, rather than defining your inherited wealth in terms of personal guilt, think about defining it in terms of your priorities and vision for the future.
Start by reflecting on your values. What drives you? What are you passionate about?
Make a list of your top 10 values. Googling “list of personal values” will give you plenty of options from which to choose.
When you have the list, next to each value write down how you try to live that value. After explaining how you live that value, write down how you will continue to live it after receiving an inheritance.
Two Examples:
I value authenticity.
I try to live that value by being open and honest about how I feel, by admitting my shortcomings, and by not pretending to be something I’m not.
I value authenticity.
After inheriting money, I will try to live that value by not embodying a vision of wealth and status that doesn’t align with who I truly am. I will not flaunt my wealth but I will use it to improve my life, my family’s life, and the lives of those around me.
I value adventure.
I try to live that value by putting myself in situations where I am not fully comfortable, and by prioritizing physical activity that tests and stretches my body’s limits.
I value adventure.
After inheriting money, I will try to live that value by continuing to put myself in situations where I am not fully comfortable, rather than insulating myself in a cocoon of wealth and status. I may use my inherited wealth to find adventures that would not be available to those of lesser means. I will focus my philanthropic and personal giving on efforts that support the pursuit of outdoor adventure in BIPOC communities.
Going through this exercise can allow you to release some of your guilt by demonstrating that you can live your values and have access to millions of dollars in inherited wealth at the same time.
LEARN MORE ABOUT MANAGING AN INHERITANCE
Build a team that values your struggle with guilt and inheritance money
Most financial advisors aren’t going to care about your guilt over receiving an inheritance. The way they see it, you’re millions of dollars richer - what do you have to complain about?
Please don’t work with one of these people.
I am an inheritor. I get where you're coming from, and all of your feelings are valid.
It’s OK to not want your inherited wealth.
It’s OK to want to give all of your inherited wealth away.
It’s OK to feel guilty about an inheritance and still be excited about the financial freedom it brings.
We all navigate death and inheritance in our own way. You deserve an advisor who can guide you through this process and help you build a plan for your inherited wealth that honors your family legacy and supports your personal and family values.
Working with an advisor who can help you manage guilt over inherited wealth means building a plan to use your money in a way that makes sense to you.
It may mean focusing on investments that create a positive impact in our world.
It may mean diving into philanthropy and giving away money to non-profits you are passionate about.
It may mean letting your money sit while you figure out how to navigate the way forward.
However you choose to manage your guilt over inherited wealth, you know yourself and your family best. You have all the power and tools you need to chart the path forward. From one inheritor to another: you got this.
Let’s take the next step together
Understanding how to deal with feelings of guilt over inherited wealth is not easy. If you need more help, you can download The 20 Inheritance Terms You Need to Know, or reach out to Katherine Fox, CFP® and CAP®, a financial planner for inheritors to learn how Sunnybranch can help you build a plan to manage your inheritance from a trust.
